Does the fact that we do not want to pronounce its name give it more power, or does it give us more power? The idea of power, planning, or control honestly flies out the window when you consider any type of cancer or life-altering illness. The illusion of control we believe we have is thoroughly washed away at the mention of this ailment. The fear is so overwhelming that it takes over all of your thoughts and can fill your head before you even know it’s the truth for you.
My dad has recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and I find myself flabbergasted at the idea. He has always been relatively healthy and strong. No surgeries or many sick days were used. His pain tolerance is extremely high after years of sports. He is the rock of our family. And now he needs us, which he doesn’t even know how to handle because he was raised to be the solid and patient provider for our family. This whole situation seems too bizarre to comprehend.
You never know when this life is going to throw you a curveball. And for me, they usually come in a cluster. Multiple trials to go through within the same year. 2021 has definitely been one of those years, full of change and difficulties. All I can hope is that I will depend on God more than myself. I want to rely on his peace and guidance by reading His word and praying as much as possible.
I have tried managing these challenging moments independently, and the failure and brokenness are more than I can stand. I know that if I give the Lord control of everything, then I will make it through and learn more about who He has created me to be in the process. It is absolutely amazing not only to see his miracles but to see Him working in my life. Teaching me about faith after a miscarriage and how I cannot outgive him when I couldn’t pay my bills. God is always building me up to be the person he meant for me to be, but only when I let Him. He truly is a gentleman in that way.
As I move through this painful and frightening journey, I pray with all my heart that there will be healing and an amazing miracle to witness. I also pray for wisdom and thoughtfulness when it comes to my family’s needs. I want to care for my children and parents in the best ways I can. I also need to be faithful and intentional with my prayers and my actions. Show pure love and patience. Give of myself as the Lord and my parents have always done for me. Make sure God gets the glory and praise He deserves.
Even though things seem overwhelming right now, I know that this situation will bring my family closer together. We all love our parents and want to support them every step of the way.